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A bundle of dreams

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Go on, guess whose brainwave this was!
Engineers aside, former managing director of Commodore’s trendsetting UK division, David Pleasance, did as much - if not more - than anyone to elevate the Amiga to the dizzying heights of earning the world’s most popular 16-bit computer trophy… that’s a metaphorical trophy I should add; there was no trophy. A shocking miscarriage of justice I know!

Entering the business as a humble salesman, he went on to lead the sales and marketing team, and within a decade rose through the ranks to MD, curtailed a hair’s breadth away from orchestrating the management buyout - along with Colin Proudfoot - that would have saved the Amiga brand from falling into the grubby mitts of a parade of soulless corporate vultures. The deal turned sour at the 11th hour through no fault of his own, and the rest is his… has been eradicated from my grey matter by way of ECT.

One of David's most significant achievements was popularising the concept of the home computer ‘pack’; a means of marrying desirable hardware and software in themed retail bundles to offer the consumer a more rounded value for money experience upon purchasing a new system. As cheesy and glib as it sounds in today’s irreverent, cynical milieu, he genuinely believed it when he declared, "we don't sell computers - we sell dreams".

These illustrious bundles were first introduced to sell the Commodore 64, though without a doubt the most successful was the Amiga 500 ‘Batman pack’, which included the title game to tie in with the 1989 smash hit movie, in addition to the classic Taito arcade conversion, New Zealand Story, highly regarded flight simulator, F/A-18 Interceptor, and the leading graphics design tool, Deluxe Paint II.

Amiga Format breaks the tidings of comfort and joy in issue 4 (November 1989)

Before the headlining Batman game was complete, David approached Ocean’s development director, Gary Bracey, to forge a deal which would ensure the Ocean brand and the Batman license would forever be synonymous with the Amiga. His intention was to convince Gary to grant him the exclusive rights to sell his game alongside the Commodore hardware for two months, whilst primarily only committing to purchase 10,000 units. Somehow - possibly invoking black magic persuasion techniques - David secured a deal that Ocean wouldn’t regret for a second - they went on to sell many times more units than they ever dreamed possible.

Amiga Format anticipated a promising future for our beloved machine
(issue 5, December 1989)
David’s careful selections were designed to be aspirational in that you were encouraged to explore the potential offered by creative, productivity software. You might initially have been entranced by the current zeitgeisty movie license game, yet propelled through experimentation to become a digital artist, musician or writer. He nudged the tools under your fingertips, the rest was up to you.

...well that, or it was a cunning way to convince parents to part with £400 of their hard-earn cash under the misguided illusion that they were investing in an education facilitation device. In light of the number of kids my age who grew up to become comprehensively IT-literate employees, perhaps they weren’t led down the garden path after all.

Thanks to a prominent TV promotional campaign voiced by everyone’s favourite loveable toff, Stephen Fry, that dangled the chance to win one of ten Amiga 500 Batman packs, and through negotiating deals with all the UK's major high street retailers, David ensured the system enjoyed maximum exposure, and found its way under 186,000 Christmas trees in 1989. The first affordable Amiga home computer went on to shift 6 million units worldwide!

Many inventive twists on the concept followed and some retailers - Silica for example - even got on board by creating their own bundles. David went on to reprise this marketing miracle in the US, creating a number of new region-specific bundles for the A1200 in the process.

Who did what now? Amiga Format covers Steve's sidewards
career move in issue 37 (August 1992)
What's interesting is the way David's conjuring tricks were reported in the Amiga press at the time. Very often the credit would be attributed to his boss, MD Steve Franklin, who in fact only begrudgingly flashed the green light that allowed him to run with his plan on the proviso that he'd be shown the door if the Batarang misfired.

Not known for his ability to win friends and influence people, Steve, when he first accepted the top-flight position opted to sack all the business systems staff except for the man responsible for the educational ventures, and David, because he knew too much and couldn’t easily be replaced overnight with one of his own flunkies.

Despite Commodore’s untimely demise, David’s career went from strength to strength, and reassuringly, he remains to this day a driving force in Amiga’s ongoing legacy.

You can also catch him reminiscing on the launch of the CD32, and the caped crusader's dalliance with the Amiga in the recently unveiled 'From Bedrooms to Billions: The Amiga Years' documentary.

Amigos Revisits Street Fighter II

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Street Fighter II plays better than you might believe...but looks and sounds leave a lot to be desired.

8 piracy killers that weren't

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Piracy on a plate (Amiga Format issue 9, April 1990)
Throughout the sadly neutered lifespan of the Amiga, a number of novel strategies aimed at tackling the critical piracy issue were touted by the software publishers. Often amidst a fanfare of optimism would be a naive declaration that this time the latest gizmo, zany scheme or encryption code would surely bring about the downfall of the profit-deflating cracker.

Nonetheless, I can’t think of many examples that caused the crackers to lose more than a few winks of sleep. They swiftly deciphered the state-of-the-art algorithms employed, unravelled them and uploaded the ransacked games to the bulletin boards as per usual.

It was a tumultuous era dogged by apocalyptic 'don't copy that floppy' scaremongering, even for those who played by the rules, opting to buy their software from a legitimate source, simply because it was the right thing to do.
Fastism? 

"What the hell is going on? I saw the FAST adverts (p189) in the July edition asking people to pass information on to FAST and I am absolutely appalled. 

Have we really gone back to the days of Hitler Youth when children reported their own parents and family for rewards. I have read AF since day one, but I will have to seriously reconsider buying any future issues." 

An AF Reader Concerned for Human Rights 

"FAST adverts are run for free in an attempt to combat piracy - we get no revenue from them. I think your reaction to the ads is overly dramatic because they are clearly targeted at a particular criminal activity and one which will require proof of guilt We are not talking about any form of racial, sexual or religious persecution."

- Amiga Format issue 14 (September 1990)


Reader's responses to the 'Amiga's dumbest criminals' article I posted previously

Below I detail a small selection of the publisher’s most noteworthy brainwaves in no particular order, what they aimed to achieve, and why they failed dismally.

1. Budget games

They'll be paying you to take them off their hands next!
(Amiga Format issue 24, July 1991)

An Amiga Format reader takes matters into his own hands in issue 71 (May 1995)
More of an end-user preoccupation this one. Many people who pirated software would argue they did it simply because the retail price was so exorbitant they couldn’t afford to pay it. They rationalised that if the games were marked up at a more reasonable rate they’d happily start buying legitimate software and turn over a new leaf.

You can (kind of) evaluate the effectiveness of this concept by looking at the take-up of budget priced releases. Now these weren’t cut-price out of the goodness of the publisher’s hearts; they tended to be older games that had enjoyed their five minutes of fame and were considered a bit long in the tooth, looking decidedly shabby on the shelf next to hot off the press titles.

It’s impossible to discern how many people who would typically pirate games, instead chose to buy genuine budget titles based on the price policy alone. Wouldn’t they already own these games given that they are re-releases?

A.Nonymous ain't payin' whatever the price
(CU Amiga issue 27, May 1992)

What we do know is that the cracking groups would go to work on anything that was copyright protected regardless of the price point. If a group will crack a £2.99 Prism Leisure release (and they did), anything is fair game!

They generally weren’t in it to save money, make a political statement or play Robin Hood, it was all about the thrill of the race and the glory of being top dog - the first to strip out a game’s protection and distribute it to the adjudicators.

It would be interesting to know how many people bought cracked Prism games for £1 each at a car boot sale, under the counter in a shady software shop, or through mail order to save the extra couple of pounds.

No reliable statistics exist detailing the number of Amiga games pirated over the years, yet a useful parallel for comparison is the modern games industry. This is far easier to monitor now that so many games function through tapping into a central server for authentication purposes.

Paul Johnson, programmer and Managing Director of Rubicon Development makes some pertinent observations in the comments section of an article entitled, ‘It's better to embrace piracy’. To his dismay he notes that the ratio of installed counterfeit to genuine copies of his latest game is 20:1 despite the award-winning title being made available for a pittance of $3.

Very few new games entered the Amiga market at a budget price, the publishers would argue because the costs of production are so high it wouldn’t be feasible. Had they done so we could compare the sales figures against those of the major full priced releases. My guess is they would have revealed just as many losses to piracy. Would a pirate really pass up the opportunity to pay a pound for a budget title that would otherwise cost a tenner in Boots? (incidentally one of the most fertile software retailers back in the ‘80s and ‘90s, believe it or not)

2. Unprotected games

Another prediction put forward by gamers was that by injecting disks with copyright protection, the publishers were throwing down the gauntlet, inciting crackers to kick it into touch, and to spread the unprotected editions. Release the games free of obstacles and any challenge would be rendered null and void, causing the crackers to leave well alone… so waxed the theory.

What this approach doesn’t take into consideration is that the protection isn’t necessarily aimed at the pros, it’s primarily there to deter the casual playground X-Copy swapper. To this end, the publishers succeeded.

Roy's not copyright protection's biggest fan
Amiga Format issue 6 (January 1990)

Even so, make this a company policy and the problem becomes as widespread as it would in the hands of the organised illegal networks. Millions of people with no coding skills whatsoever would all of a sudden become equally capable of eating into a developer’s profits as the reverse engineering gurus!

Very often when games were re-released as budget titles, publishers would revise the code so as to discard the copyright protection, probably to save on any further outlay accorded to the third party developers of the chosen mechanism. Qwak and Licence to Kill are two such examples.

In some cases, publishers would even distribute cracked copies of their games, having first eliminated the cracktro screens, as this would be less arduous than attempting to bypass their own anti-piracy checks. This was the case with the Hit Squad edition of Ocean’s Toki, which was built on the foundations of Quartex’s release.


Lorne drops himself in it (Amiga Format issue 8, March 1990)
3. Smart cards

To summarise, not on your nelly! (Amiga Format 35, June 1992)
With the advent of the Amiga 600’s entry into the home computer market, the possibility for publishers to begin releasing games on smart cards or cartridges became a reality. This is because it was the first system in the Amiga lineup to be issued with a 16-bit Type II PCMCIA slot designed to interface with external peripherals such as hard drives, SRAM cards, network cards, video capture devices and so on.

The rationale was that by issuing games on arcane, read-only memory media, it would be impossible for people to duplicate them - they wouldn’t have access to the advanced technology required to decrypt the data, or the blank media on which to reproduce it.

This one failed to leave the starting blocks for a number of reasons. Cartridge-based games could only be played on a computer with a compatible card slot, so this excluded the vast majority of the already established user base. Not at all ideal when mass distribution is imperative in order to recoup a developer’s investment.

Plus, Kelly (Sumner, Commodore MD), why don’t you tell us why none of the software in the A600 packs was distributed on smart cards?
"They're expensive. And when Fujitsu and Mitsubishi and all these guys get their acts together and realise that they're over-priced, we may well do something. The other thing is that the lead time on production of smart cards is 12 weeks - if there's a peak of sales, we can't turn them round quickly enough."
- Amiga Format Special annual issue 2 (1993)

The increased development costs would surely have pushed up the retail price of the finished product. Would gamers be willing to absorb that kind of hit when they’d already got into the habit of paying half the price of the average Sega Mega Drive or SNES game?

Had the PCMCIA slot become the defacto standard for launching software, it would permanently be engaged with the card-reading device, making it unavailable to other useful upgrade peripherals. Extinguish one of the A600’s USPs, and it doesn’t look quite so unique anymore.

The inherently unassailable nature of the cartridge wasn’t questioned at the time. This was certainly a bit presumptuous given that devices were already available for all the popular cartridge-based systems that would allow you to dump the contents of a ROM onto floppy disks for backup - or purely piracy - purposes.

The copiers typically would cost much more than the games console itself, though it wouldn’t have taken long to recoup your ‘investment’ when you consider that an average 16-bit console game would have set you back anywhere between forty and sixty pounds.

It would only have been a matter of time before some shrewd engineer or programmer invented a similar system to transfer the data from an Amiga smart card onto a more flexible medium. Of course every Amiga already had a floppy drive built in, and the computer would have been incommunicado with the PCMCIA slot by default, so half the hurdle had been vaulted from the outset.

4. CDs

Releasing games on compact discs was a similar proposition, though this would later prove to be the industry standard mechanism for software distribution for several years to come.

Ouch! (Amiga Format issue 20, March 1991)
At the time, the financial burden required to embrace home CD duplication was far beyond the reach of the vast majority of would-be pirates. In 1992, a typical CD recorder would demand an insurmountable $10–12,000 investment! Even had that not been the case, the write-once media alone was so prohibitively expensive it made profiteering from the reproduction of commercial discs completely infeasible.

Economies of scale would have brought the power to control the distribution of their software within the grasp of the publisher, at least for the first few years of the CD’s adoption, making it the ideal anti-piracy weapon.

The stumbling block of course was that in the early ‘90s very few Amiga users had a CD reader. When they eventually became available they were supremely expensive and only viable should you have one of the more upgrade-friendly models. The CD32 redressed the balance, yet it was too little, too late. Commodore were on the brink of bankruptcy and many developers had already deserted the sinking ship.

5. Pay to play

Is there a psychiatrist in the house? Arcanum had clearly lost the plot
(Amiga Format issue 20, March 1991)
This was undoubtedly the most ludicrous of all the piracy-thwarting manoeuvres proposed. The grand master plan was to have gamers pay a ‘nominal’ fee for a disk, and then phone a premium rate number to purchase unlock codes should they enjoy the game and wish to keep playing. At £1 a time it’s easy to see how the costs could spiral well beyond that of the average game you would buy outright from a high street retailer. Your (or more likely your parents’) only salvation would be to pray you hit upon a game you really hated and the phone stayed firmly in its cradle!

By now it should also go without saying that 101 crackers would have amputated the flimsy, hobbling protection system in a heartbeat. The upshot being that the end user wouldn’t have to pay any more than the cost of a floppy or two to acquire the game, or play the unadulterated edition until the cows come home. When ‘home’ would typically be a milking station on a battery farm, that wouldn’t have been any time soon!

Swerving the thorny issue of modern 'freemium' games entirely, I'll move on...

6. Dongles

Ocean's one-man anti-piracy army goes it alone (Amiga Format issue 33, April 1992)
I’ve covered in great depth the curious yarn of ‘Robocop 3 in the Dongle Chronicles’ elsewhere so won’t rehash the saga here. To cut a long story short, amidst much overwrought bluster, the device was circumvented in record time and it was back to the drawing board for Ocean.

7. Pack-in freebies

Lure people in with collectable, novelty free gifts that aren’t included with the scuzzy, hand-scrawled floppies Paddy normally supplies you with round the back of the Dog and Gun on a Friday night, and they’ll choose to buy the genuine article instead. Even if incorporating these ‘freebies’ entails you paying a premium.

Shadow of the Beast is perhaps the most notorious example of such finagling in that the lusciously designed box included a t-shirt and poster featuring original artwork by the legendary Renaissance Man, Roger Dean. The only catch was that it cost £34.99, which possibly lead to the incidence of more piracy, not less because people weren’t prepared to pay an extra tenner for the marketing gimmicks. These collectors packs show up on eBay once in a blue moon and command insane prices, precisely because there are so few of them available. That speaks volumes.

For other weird and wonderful examples, check out the ‘Strange game extras and promo items’ thread over on the EAB forum.

8. Self-sabotaging pirate copies

A few developers built tamper-triggered glitches into their games to foil the pirates. You may have thought you had a 1:1 copy of a game, that was until you reached a juncture where a critical task couldn't be performed because the program had been designed to fail at precisely that point.

The cracker would initially get the credit for being the first to release a working version, yet be left with egg on their faces when the embarrassing truth was revealed.

I can't wait to get into that guy's pants!
Ocean’s Monkey-Island-wannabe, point ‘n’ click adventure, Hook, is the perfect example. One puzzle requires you to collect two beer tankards from the ‘Crossed Swords’ pub, and a further tankard from the ‘Bait and Tackle’ (which looks conspicuously much like another very similar pub).

You’d then visit the ‘Jolliest Roger's Place’ (yet another pub), and pay the barman in gold coins to fill up your three tankards with cocoa (beer wouldn’t have been very kid-friendly in a Peter Pan game now would it).

These would be offered to the man sitting at the table closest to the bar. He downs them in quick succession and presumably the massive influx of sugar sends him to sleep… he certainly hasn’t passed out through alcohol-induced intoxication, no siree-bob, that wouldn’t be very appropriate.

What I can't fathom is why you need to pilfer mugs from pubs 1 and 2 in order to be served a drink in pub 3. Don't bars tend to keep a supply of drinking vessels on hand, just on the slim off-chance that someone might stumble in out of the blue and ask for liquid refreshments who hasn't brought their own?

While he sleeps you whip off his pants to form part of the pirate disguise that will allow you to blend into your surroundings, board Captain Hook’s ship, and ultimately defeat him armed with a ticking clock discovered on the beach using a metal detector (really just a magnet as you’ve been swindled by the tailor you purchase it from). All perfectly logical, coherent adventure game fare really.

How did this suddenly become a Hook walk-through guide? Oh yes, my point was that playing via Fairlight’s cracked copy, it wasn’t technically possible to acquire all three of the tankards (and fill them with ‘cocoa’ which has a frothy beer-head on top) so the game couldn’t be completed.

The glitch was eventually patched by another group to create a 100% working crack, but in the meantime Ocean must have been laughing their socks off.

You could argue that it did absolutely nothing to curb piracy because any sales lost had already dented the developer's bottom line, long before the end users realised they'd been duped.

Nevertheless, the wily rouse may have done wonders to cast doubt upon the quality of pirate copies in general. Potentially for some gamers this would be sufficient enough to make them toe the line in future. Given that there’s a monumental 29 page thread recounting all the Amiga’s ‘bad cracks’ over on the EAB forum, perhaps they would have been wise to do so.



Scaremongering was all the rage in Amiga mags (CU Amiga issue 35, January 1993)
The battle to eradicate piracy, and avert the perennial necrosis of the much-maligned software industry rumbles on…

Amigos Plays Buggy Boy

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With Rob "Flack" O'Hara in studio!

Episode 48 - Flashback

Don't need no credit card to ride this pain

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Amiga Format issue 29, December 1992
“Shatteringly good recent release?” Have you been smoking banana peels again recently by any chance, Amiga Format? I actually had a friend who tried that once because he'd read in a copy of the Anarchist Cookbook from the 1960s that you can get high on the stuff. You can't, and he's a muppet.

Perhaps your praise was so gushing because a few months later the demo of Top Banana would appear on Amiga Format cover disk 32, and you'd already committed yourselves to being nice no matter how awful the game turned out to be? I noticed you didn't follow it up with a genuine review you'd have to put a score to. This sort of thing was rife in the gaming press at the time, and still is.

Top Banana is a zany, psychedelic, ecologically-aware poor man’s Rainbow Islands, replete with rising damp, and fuelled by ‘The Power of Love’. Huey Lewis and the News weren't involved in the production in any capacity, rather it's an allusion to your one and only ‘weapon’; endless projections of your own overblown heart.

Playing as the protagonist, a young girl known as ‘KT’, these are launched at your adversaries - diggers, suited and booted businessmen known as ‘Corprats’, popstars, chainsaws and other enemies of the rainforest - to avert their dastardly capitalist plot to bring about the downfall of humankind. If that sounds like a plot dreamed up by a stoned 13 year old eco-warrior, you may well be right.

The fruity number was the brainchild of Acorn developers, Psycore, and the London-based multimedia group, Hex Media, composed of artist Robert Pepperell, coder Miles Visman (also responsible for Turbo Trax) and DJs, Coldcut.

Check out those glowing endorsements on the box! I wonder how much taglines like these would cost? Is there an agency you'd have to go through? I'm currently trying to market a new inflatable dartboard I've devised and need all the help I can get.

I did a bit of Googling to see if I could verify any of these quotes. I failed miserably. I managed to find a scan of Micro User magazine from the time of the game's release, though the only reference to Top Banana I could find in it comes in the form of a full page paid ad.

Your objective in this “stunningly original” game (plucked from the back of the box) is to ascend the level Rainbow Islands style, avoiding the health-sapping nasties along the way. When you reach the top you must play tag with some bizarre creature or other to trigger the disappearance of the platforms. The one at the end of the first level looks like a pinkified, decapitated alien head interpretation of something that wouldn't seem out of place in Avatar. Touch it and you begin your free-fall descent back to the base of the level, zig-zagging wildly from side to side on route to collecting the menagerie of power-ups on offer.

Hit the bottom and the level ends. Your reward for a job well done is a glib, didactic (or maybe just ecstasy-infused) one-liner taken from one of the following:-

That's the game. I'm not joking!
“beware behave”
“recycle the hype”
“get up get down”

Advice to live by no doubt. I'll be sure to take those sagely aphorisms on board, thanks Hex!

The putrid colour scheme and graphical finesse in evidence is on par with the elephant tail painting eyesore that remains hanging on my living room wall, only so as not to offend Dumbo who gave it to me for a Christmas present a few years back.

The sprites have fallen foul of ‘hideous early digitisation syndrome’, though what's worse are the unpower-ups that reverse your controls and trigger the senseless screen-shudder mode, leaving you more disoriented than an epileptic at the Hacienda on acid house night.

Not content with turning your stomach, later in the game we're subjected to an x-ray filter that lends your world a bleached, monochrome aesthetic, simulating a nuclear holocaust. No doubt a not-so-subtle cautionary omen concerning the forthcoming apocalypse… should we choose not to, “change a hawk to a little white dove”?

Hex designed the game to use the Amiga’s HAM mode, which allows the hardware to hold the hue and change the luminance by only altering four bits to express the colour of pixels. The upshot being that many more variants could be displayed simultaneously, up to a maximum of 4096.

The ‘Hold and Modify’ technique would largely be employed in the display of digitised photographs and rendered 3D images, not games or animation because the side effects - eyeball trauma and irreversible catatonia - are generally seen as things to avoid.

Believe it or not the game features three layers of that perennial spec-chasing favourite, parallax scrolling, not that you'd notice buried amidst the pick ‘n’ mix blancmange effect visuals.

Some critics have gone so far as to compare the experience to the sensation of rubbing your eyes with a cheese grater or sandpaper. Personally though, I don't need an image like that prancing around in my fragile mind… and I wouldn't dream of planting it in yours either. Some people are squeamish you know.

Hex admit on the game’s box that they've used ‘sampled’ graphics and sound, as though that gives them carte blanche to nick whatever they like from popular culture. The ‘Corprat’ businessmen are clearly swiped from John Cleese’s Ministry of Silly Walks sketch, as is the bowler hat wearing boss you face at the end of one of the vertically scrolling levels.

Likewise, the buzzer sound effect that heralds the start of each level is lifted (sorry, sampled) directly from the British TV quiz show, Catchphrase. “Say what you see”. “ It’s a good guess, but it's not right”. ITV, bring back Roy Walker! I miss the craik, and Stephen Mulhern isn’t a Mr. Chips off the old block!

The other sound effects appear to be generic and so are harder to pin down. It's a medley of dog’s barking, ouches, mooing, Chinese woodblock percussion instruments (or crickets?), and tonal ‘ta-da’ exclamations. Taken together it spells ‘wacky’, and is as grating as a crown of thorns.

There’s no in-game music, that all accompanies the stroboscopic, trippy slideshow intro that will haunt your dreams forever more should you be foolish enough to let it into your psyche.

The soundtrack itself can best be described as happy hardcore techno dance, and is a proper “wicked, wicked jungle is massive”, bangin’ toon. It's “twistin’ my melon man… call the cops!” Different genres I know, but it all leads to the same thing… Ibuprofen and a dark room!

Several months after the ECS release of Top Banana in 1992, the ‘Global Chaos’ Commodore CDTV revision followed. In addition to the game, it includes the soundtrack mixed with vocals by American rapper, beatboxer, DJ, and ‘Clown Prince of Hip Hop’, Biz Markie. It's remarkably rare and insanely pricey these days, probably because only two people ever owned a CDTV (essentially an A500 in a sleek CD player housing), and they had more sense than to buy a garish, screechy Rainbow Islands rip-off.

If you're feeling particularly masochistic you can download the entire ISO of the disc from archive.org and run it in an emulator. Take that Penfold_t_mole! *spit*

Rumours still circulate the web that Top Banana featured as a video game challenge on a kid’s Saturday morning TV show ala Xenon on ‘Get Fresh’, Magic Pockets on ‘Motormouth’, or Hugo on ‘What’s Up Doc?’. Nevertheless, it's possible some crossed wires are afoot. I’m not entirely sure crossed wires can be ‘afoot’, but it’s late and I’ve got to be up early in the morning to save the pandas.

There was an ITV jungle-based kid’s TV game show that shared the same name, though it's unlikely they are affiliated as this only ran for 26 episodes in 1990, a year before the original version of the game appeared on the Archimedes.

Complicating things further, ‘Hey, Hey, It's Saturday!’ was another ITV kid’s TV show (which aired on a Saturday surprisingly enough) with a bananary connection. It ran between July 1990 and September 1991, and incorporated an animated programme called - you guessed it - Top Banana. The Archimedes version of the game was released right around the time the TV show was winding down, so again I think we're barking up the wrong fruit tree.

It was reviewed on Gamesmaster (season 1, episode 5). The first of the three critics, commented, “the game has great music and the graphics are absolutely superb, but that doesn’t actually make the game, the playability isn’t there”. Are you having a giraffe? Which game were you playing? The responsive controls and the passable game-play are the only saving graces.

Critic no. 2 said, “the theme of Top Banana is very environmental. It makes for a different game, but all in all it’s just another platformer beat-em-up from the middle” (It’s a what now? Englispeak please).

“We’ve seen it all before really”, concluded critic no. 3.

None of these guys were identified and I haven’t got the patience to go back and match the faces to the names in other episodes. Collectively they awarded Top Banana 65%. Does that help at all? No? Well I don’t know, you try your best...

It has also been suggested that the protagonist, KT (Katie?), is based on the pop-rap artist, Betty Boo, though despite the physical likeness I haven't been able to substantiate that rumour either. There's plenty of ‘moo’ in there (each time you touch a collectible), though no ‘Boo’ as far as I can tell.

The game was distributed in a box made from recycled cardboard and included a complimentary 100% cotton t-shirt as if to affirm the developer’s green credentials. On a similar note, the rising water levels are explained by the melting ice caps ...yet it can be halted by turning off a tap?

As clumsy as Top Banana is, I do feel I've learnt a lot from the experience: never eat fungi you found lying around on the forest floor (drugs are bad kids, even if computer programmers take them), don't believe anything written on the box of a computer game, if you're ever a bit peckish, you can spontaneously generate food by lobbing human organs at yuppies, construction vehicles and tools.

The list is endless. I really can't fathom why the game wasn't promoted as an edutainment title. Had it been made available in schools, we might now be living in a radically different world. The senseless loss of countless McD’s Big Macs could easily have been avoided. What we need to remember is, bapped double burgers are people too, and each life is precious.

For the sake of humanity and all that is holy, please today make time in your busy schedule to tell just one person about Top Banana. Lives depend on it. All I am saying is, give Hex a chance.

Amigos Special: Boat and Flack talk Retro Gaming.

Amigos Plays Rambo III

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Home to many wood-burning stoves.

Amigos Plays Pac-Mania

Amigos Plays Buggy Boy

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Rob from Sprite Castle drops by to join us on this special episode!

Melon farming offspring of unmarried Kiwi parents

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Amiga Action issue 5 (February 1990)
Cheat codes originally emerged out of the necessity for bug testers to experience (and attempt to break) every level and aspect of a game so any issues could be identified and ironed out long before they were released to the public… or so the theory goes. Later, however, such aids were also issued to games critics to allow them to review products in their entirety, even those who weren’t in possession of 133t ninja skillz ™.

It's often assumed that glory-chasing, bug-tester oiks would leak these codes to the magazines, who would relish the opportunity to publish them in their regular hints and tips segment, much to the dismay of the developers.

The concern I imagine was that their products would be misinterpreted as not representing good value for money if they could be completed overnight. Perhaps gamers would borrow the disks from a friend, finish the game in record time, and as a consequence, not buy their own copy. You would also have to placate the parents whose money most likely went towards funding little Johnny’s hobby. Publishers were eternally under fire for allegedly ripping off the public as it was, and didn’t need anyone throwing fuel on pyre.

Another factor, as a developer who has poured their heart and soul into producing a (hopefully) professional, well-crafted piece of software, is the artistic merit inherent in letting a story unfold naturally, along with a satisfying sense of discovery. We all like to think our efforts are appreciated, and software developers are no different.

CU Amiga issue 28 (June 1992)
On the contrary (this flowed nicely before I inserted that long side note above), no espionage was necessary because the magazines were already part of this ‘inner circle’ and received the cheat codes by default… which makes you wonder why at the recent Guardian reunion, some of the Amiga Power crew were so mystified as to how the postal submitters came by the cheat codes. Did every magazine on the planet receive regular wax-sealed, top-secret manilla envelopes except Amiga Power?

Had they not been in the loop, it's a given that the information would be gouged out from the woodwork sooner or later by hackers scrutinizing the code, either for educational or cracking purposes, so attempting to shield them from prying eyes in a nuclear bunker would have been a fruitless exercise.

To that end, locking them down indefinitely was never the goal. The developers merely wanted to give gamers - and retailers - a fair crack of the whip before they destroyed the magic, so to speak. Let’s face it, finishing a game using cheats is the numero uno way to guarantee you never revisit it. The trick is only to seek them out when you can be certain you wouldn’t anyway.

Some developers, Ocean and the kings of indecency, Team 17, for example, would implement cheat codes so obscene and tasteless they assumed the magazines wouldn't be permitted to publish them.

Well that dabble with blue-sky thinking quickly turned overcast; the magazines printed them regardless, replacing a few vowels with asterisks to shimmy around the censors.

ZZap 64 issue 45 (January 1989)
This would generate a flurry of complaints from disgruntled parents, and in some cases the cheats were cleaned up for the budget re-releases. In New Zealand Story, for example, the x-rated keyword became the much more ‘U’ for universal, ‘FluffyKiwis’.

Old Amiga mag dumpster diving

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CU Amiga issue 49 (March 1994)
This is going to be a lot like common or garden dumpster diving, only here I’ll be plunging head-first into a skip of Amiga pulp fiction Scrooge McDuck style to see what kind of random nuggets of nostalgia I can forage and share with you.

I thought I’d approach the task by pulling off my best Linda Blair impersonation, swivelling my head erratically, teeth gnashing in a haphazard blur until I chomp down on something interesting. Does that sound like a plan, or the ramblings of a lunatic? Welcome to another Amigos blog post.

Dark Horse’s foray into the gaming world actually came to pass, though sadly was a mere flash in the pan, only running for two issues beginning in March 1994. Just the first issue has surfaced online and includes comic strips starring two of our fave Amiga heroes; the Lemmings and Chuck Rock. Oh yeah, plus some Sega twoddle no-one cares about.

CU Amiga issue 9 (November 1990)

I don’t recall a game charting the life and times of Betty Boo ever materialising, unless you consider The Bitmap Brother’s 1991 platform game, Magic Pockets, biographical that is!

An instrumental rendition of Alison Clarkson’s no. 7 single ‘Doin' the Do’ was used for the title music, however, and as foretold, it was published by the Bitmap’s in-house label, Renegade. It also appeared on Alison’s platinum-selling debut album, Boomania, which was largely written and produced in her bedroom. ‘Doin’ the Do’ and her follow-up single, ‘Where Are You Baby?’ are really fun, catchy tracks, though you won’t hear me admit that. I’m too cool.

Many UK readers may recall their first sighting of Magic Pockets being on the Saturday morning TV show, Motormouth, hosted by Neil Buchanan, Andy Crane and Gaby Roslin, amongst several lesser known personalities. It featured in a prize-winning phone-in segment where you’d holler navigational commands down the blower, and some clot at the other end would attempt to translate them into joystick maneuvers. It’s a clunky, sluggish game when you’re directly at the helm so you can imagine how much fun it would have been to control remotely!


This snippet appeared in Amiga Format’s last ever issue (136, May 2000) as part of a notable developers retrospective. I couldn’t help noticing in the last paragraph they’ve rewritten the history books by declaring that Andy Davidson’s Worms won their own ‘design a game’ compo. First they ignore his submission entirely, later have no recollection of it ever arriving through the AF office doors, bury the competition results in some obscure area of an issue so far removed from the premise of the original challenge that everyone had forgotten it was still running, and now they decide that David won it after all! Now where did my biscuit go? I could have sworn…

Amiga Format issue 73 (July 1995)
Floppy disks will live forever! They’re the past, the present, the future, the best there ever was and ever will be. Have I accidentally quoted a line from a long-dead WWF wrestler?

The A570 CD drive was released by Commodore in 1992 so it wouldn’t have taken a rocket scientist to imagine in which direction data storage was heading.

Amiga Format issue 67 (January 1995)
We really had to go out of our way to find something to get our knickers in a knot over back then! Never mind the religious allusions, imagine how many trees had to sacrifice their lives to produce the boxes this monstrosity of a game was distributed in. Isn’t that traumatic enough?

This story hit the headlines in the same year Eric Cantona kung-fu kicked a Crystal Palace supporter during a Premier League football match. Surely he must have been inspired by the violently warped, Rise of the Robots. No doubt about it. Guilty as charged.

Amiga Format issue 59 (May 1994)
Wrecked was completed and bundled off to the magazine critics for assessment, yet the Amiga version has long since been missing in action, and pronounced legally dead. There is a DOS version which can easily be found online, along with some very grainy YouTube footage. I watched some of it and it almost made me turn to class A narcotics to blot out the pain.

Remember kids, “winners don’t use drugs!” ...unless you’re an olympic athlete with a coterie of surrogate pee sample providers.

Reader's letter caught red-handed
in sourceless shocker!
For a long time it was commonplace for magazines to give away older full games on their cover tapes or disks. The benefits of this were twofold; it boosted magazine sales figures, and showcased the talents of developers who would usually have something new in the pipeline to promote.

This was effective for the same reason TV networks will rerun an old movie when the sequel has just been released into the cinemas. The game publishers were priming their audience with an appetiser, bringing them up to speed so they’d be acclimatised to embracing the main course.

The problem was that people like a bargain, and too many gamers were holding off on buying the premium titles without having to endure a drought of entertainment. Easy, cheap access to top quality games was eroding away their perceived value.

To get back on track, the magazine and game publishers colluded to instead deliver playable taster demos via cover media, and introduce the concept of the ‘budget’ game; older titles sold in the usual retail outlets for less than half their original price. Breathing rejuvenated life into forgotten IPs generated new revenue streams for the developers, as well as goodwill amongst the fans.
Amiga Format issue 2 (March 1991)
Team 17 emerged from the PD scene where they originally operated from an itsy 17-Bitsy, teeny weeny office located above an amusement park in Wakefield, West Yorkshire.

Founder, Martyn Brown, cut his teeth cataloguing and distributing a public domain software library whilst working for Microbyte. Ever the entrepreneur, his ambitions extended beyond tracking other people's work; his heart was set on publishing and even developing his own software.

Developers, Team 7, were in need of a publisher for their latest game, and so in 1990 sought out 17-Bit and dangled their kung-fu carrot on a stick. Martyn recognised their potential, took the lure and offered to bring them in-house - along with a number of rising stars from the demo scene - to further develop their talents. The promising collaboration became known as Team 17 and they released their first home-grown game, Full Contact, in 1991.

The rest as they say is Worms… well to be fair to them, their back catalogue encompasses a diverse scope of impressive titles. I was making a cheap gag at their expense because I'm a little, inconsequential man and it makes me feel big and clever, and for that I apologise wholeheartedly.

Team 17 would go on to produce Superfrog, the Alien Breed series, Body Blows trilogy, Overdrive, Project-X, Assassin, and are still - independently I should add - as active in the games industry as ever.

CU Amiga issue 14 (April 1991)
For financial reasons, if a game could be crammed onto a single disk, it would be. If a game already occupied more, devising a worthy end sequence shouldn't have been such a bind… yet they were often skimped on regardless.

11 disk point and click adventure games would rarely give you short shift, then they're story-driven so pulling out the stops for the outro goes with the territory.

The holy grail would be to find a single disk game with an awe-inspiring finale. Can you name any?

Flood and Golden Axe were wrapped up with a witty, thought provoking panache, without needing to lay on a smorgasbord of bit-hogging technical wizardry. They each demonstrate that there's simply no excuse for Xenon II’s, “well that's it viewers. Don't forget to turn off your set”.
CU Amiga issue 49 (March 1994)

Pie-in-the-sky Amiga Games that Weren't. There were literally squillions of them and there's even a dedicated web site documenting the status of the elusive critters. Often their tardiness has a curious background story; some are totally weren’t, others a smidgen weren’t, with caveats.

Here's a medley of (mostly) ephemera, all from the same developer; Millennium Interactive who were best known for their James Pond series.

Brutal Sports Soccer - the sequel to Brutal Sports Football - was released, albeit under the guise of ‘Wild Cup Soccer’ to make it more palatable to the Germans. It’s essentially an early incarnation of Fifa ...with lethal weapons, more stabbing, maiming and beheading.

Mr Magoo, Motor Mania, and Neural World vanished into the ether, failing to put in an appearance on any platform.

Troll Island (nothing to do with the Trolls game released by Flair in 1992) was certainly Amiga vapourware, though did grace the SNES with its presence as Super Troll Islands.

Incidentally, Super Troll Island was ported over to the Amiga in 1994 where it was foisted upon the unsuspecting public as Mr Blobby. It’s the same game only with a different licensed character attached. Your main objective is to traverse the platforms transforming their drab colour scheme from grey-scale to polychrome as you go. Think Q*bert without the isometric perspective.

Amiga Format issue 58 (April 1994)
The Commodore seal of approval was to be just the start. David Pleasance has revealed that had his takeover bid been successful, he would have licensed the name to be used to promote “anything with a plug” to create a steady new revenue stream with minimal input required from Commodore. The funds were to be injected back into the business to support future R&D.

Despite assurances that strict quality control assessments would have been enforced, I don't think this was one of his better ideas personally. It's precisely the sort of IP hawking exploit Amiga fans baulk at today whenever we see Commodore's prestigious heritage being tarnished.

Lest we forget the Commodore ‘Gravel in Pocket’ or Smartphone!
Amiga Format issue 58 (April 1994)

To (Mortal) Kombat the threat faced from violent video games, and (Night) Trap anyone caught flouting the law, in 1994 ELSPA introduced a new self-regulating ratings system.

Jon Hare’s response gets an 18+ certificate for strong language, and a 10/10 for irony!


Well, mag-munchers, that's all folks for this month. Your next issue of Amigo Scour (the August edition) will be on newsagent shelves on 16th July... or is it the Christmas edition in February up next? Who came up with this ludicrous dating system anyway?

Amigo Scour issue 2 out now!

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Issue 1 sold out overnight, the stats are in, I’ve fudged the figures and Amigo Scour is unofficially the best selling fake Amiga magazine on the planet! With celebrity endorsements flooding in from around the globe, how could I possibly deny you a second issue?

CU Amiga issue 17 (July 1991)
CU Amiga issue 26 (April 1992)
My sense of nostalgia for retro gaming didn’t kick in until many years after I'd left behind the Amiga in favour of ‘progress’ and a boring beige box. Which is why it struck me as odd to see people talking about the ‘good old days’ in 25 year old copies of Amiga Format and CU Amiga. The grass was as green back then as it ever would be, we didn't need to look over the fence at anyone else's lawn.

Yet here were these people who'd followed a similar path to myself, growing up with the Speccy or C64, grappling with the frustration of their limitations, before being enticed away by the intoxicating allure of the Amiga revolution.

This was no more than a scant 5 years on from the acoustic blips and blops, and unwieldy blocktastic pixels that defined the 8-bit systems. Could it be that technology advanced so swiftly during that era that dewy-eyed reminiscence was already warranted by that stage?

Perhaps it's a reflection of natural relativity. Timewarping back through 5 years in the lifespan of a 17 year old is always going to seem like a weightier prospect than it would for say a 40, 50 or 60 year old harking back to the distant days of their youth. So many firsts delineate that coming-of-age time that it will seem like an apocryphal, epic journey of discovery, one that our rationalising minds aim to account for by stamping it with grandiose terms like ‘epoch’ or ‘aeon’.

Of course this logic flies right out the window when you factor in that not everyone reading these magazines in the early ‘90s was a kid. The ones that combined games with coverage of productivity pursuits in particular attracted a diverse readership in terms of age, if not gender so much.

Whatever the explanation, the Amiga catered for our rose-tinted needs back then, much as the contemporary PC does today.

The PD circuit had our emulation bases covered with regards to transforming 16-bit machines into temporary 8-bit ones. You could even order large collections of dubiously legal classic games by responding to the ads in the back of computer magazines… while the journalists preached the sanctity of their zero tolerance stance on piracy just overleaf.

Amiga Format issue 71 (May 1995)
It should come as no surprise to learn that this really took off with the advent of CD technology; who could refuse an offer of the entire back catalogue of Spectrum or C64 games on a single frisbee?

Fairly regularly you'd see reader's letters requesting advice on emulating the computers of yesteryear, or ruminating on the regrettable, current innovation drought.

Rose-Tinted Spec Pt 2
“I have an A1200 and I would like to know if anyone can supply me with a Spectrum 128K+2 emulator.

While I was at a friend's house, I noticed his old Spectrum poking out from under the bed. We set it up and had a go on some of the games. Because of this I had a nostalgia attack and I want to play some of the old classics (in particular Target Renegade and Chase HQ) on my A1200. Do you know where I could find an emulator?

Ben Carter, Old Lynn Road, Norfolk

There are a few PD ZX Spectrum emulators. Check out the ads in this issue for details (try the United PD one), and you can fulfill your nostalgic fantasies.
Amiga Format issue 70 (April 1995)

Others would mourn the loss of the bedroom coder, and bemoan the new corporate direction that had befallen the games industry.

While the big name developers focused on all that was new and shiny, some lower profile teams took the opportunity to jump on the retro revival bandwagon, pumping out clones of classic IPs for a bargain basement price tag.

In a world where things that we’d rather were held static in carbonite forever more are constantly in a state of flux, it's quite reassuring in a way to know that being firmly rooted in the past is nothing new, and despite the ancient joke, nostalgia is exactly what it used to be.

CU Amiga issue 45 (November 1993)
Based on the 1994 movie starring Alec Baldwin, which was in turn based on a series of pulp fiction novels from the 1930s, The Shadow - developed by Ocean - was originally destined for an Amiga release set to coincide with the box office event.

The second-rate superhero franchise movie tanked, so with little optimism that the game would fare any better, the project was quashed despite being 95% complete.

While a beta version of the Amiga data has yet to surface, the incomplete SNES ROM has been doing the rounds online for a number of years now. You can even buy the game on a physical repro cartridge, delivered in an authentic looking cardboard sleeve, though I wouldn't go out of your way to do so. These are usually original, re-purposed Madden or FIFA games that most people wouldn’t deem worthy of use as a doorstop, but we’re also now starting to see some dealers selling ‘burnt’ ROMs on brand new carts to avoid sacrificing vintage hardware.

The Shadow is a side scrolling beat-em-up in the mould of Batman Returns, and is unsurprisingly a bit glitchy given that it was never finished. One adversary in particular appears on screen as a flickery mess of corrupt pixels, though can still be kicked into touch along with his more ‘wholesome’ buddies. Not much to write home about really so don’t feel too deprived.

CU Amiga issue 37 (March 1993)
From a game that wasn't to a coin-op conversion that (only kind of) was. Gremlin’s definitely-not-an-ant ninja platformer, Zool, was revamped and extended for an arcade release, previews appeared in the magazines, and a prototype was even aired on Bad Influence (skip to the seventh minute and try not to snigger at Andy Crane's bizarre overacting).

Nevertheless, the cabinets failed to hit the arcades, and judging by the PCB wish lists online, few people seem to have shed more than a tear or two over the loss.

CU Amiga 50 (April 1994)
We never got to savour Harvey Keitel (or Mr White) channelling Dr Maybe for Pond's third and final outing, and if you try to ascertain exactly why, you'll find that the trail quickly runs cold. Glancing over his IMDb profile it appears that he follows a strict ‘no game’ policy so Millennium were really barking up the wrong blood-soaked abandoned warehouse here.

CU Amiga issue 34 (December 1992)
Proof that if you're determined enough to find threats and offence lurking around every corner, you're sure to find them.

Dynablaster, really? I suppose it’s always possible the IRA used the game as a recruitment and training tool, but then I've heard that roller-skates and bombs don't make the best bedfellows.

CU Amiga issue 18 (August 1991)
Walt Disney’s Herbie the Love Bug is another license that never made it to the small (bedroom) screen. Starring in his first motion picture (remember that phrase?!) way back in 1968, you wouldn’t expect the anthropomorphic VW Beetle to resonate that strongly with ‘90s kids, but then he did make a comeback in 1997 and again in 2005 (along with a tie-in GBA game), so who knows?

CU Amiga issue 25 (March 1992)
Oooh, you big fibberoozers you, Psygnosis. That never happened did it now? Naughty Psygy!

All lies and no truth make Psygnosis a long-nosed developer. All lies and no truth make Psygnosis a long-nosed developer. All lies and no truth make Psygnosis a long-nosed developer. All lies and no truth make Psygnosis a long-nosed developer. All lies and no truth make Psygnosis a long-nosed developer. All lies and no truth make Psygnosis a long-nosed developer. All lies and no truth make Psygnosis a long-nosed developer. All lies and no truth make Psygnosis a long-nosed developer. All lies and no truth make Psygnosis a long-nosed developer. All lies and no truth make Psygnosis a long-nosed developer.

CU Amiga issue 16 (June 1991)

Sega decided that it wasn’t in their best interests to dilute the value of the Mega Drive by letting their most lucrative cash cow, Sonic the Hedgehog, play with other computers or consoles, so pulled the plug on their tentative arrangement with US Gold at the 11th hour.

All these years later there’s still no Amiga version of Sonic, despite the spiky blue-rinse urchin breaking the cardinal rule of straying over to Nintendo’s light side.
CU Amiga issue 39 (May 1993)
If by ‘hit the Amiga’ they mean ‘here’s some more vapourware that’ll never see the light of day’, then this headline is totally accurate… well all except for Terminator II - The Arcade Game, which did make an appearance on the Amiga in 1993 and was based on the Midway coin-op of the same name. It’s an Operation Wolf style first person target-em-up developed by Probe.





Well all good things have to come to an end, and award-winning Amiga magazine issues are sadly no exception. Join me again next month for another feature-packed bonanza of Amiga trivia and waffle.

Episode 49 - The Great Giana Sisters

Commodore had a video game burial ground too!

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In light of the hysteria that culminated in Atari’s rumoured E.T. game cartridge mass grave being excavated and filmed for a documentary in 2014, you’d imagine the fact that Commodore has their own would be detonative news. Not so - it’s almost as if it has been entombed!

Commodore were principally a hardware company; they didn’t develop their own games in-house, yet did lend the cache of their chicken lips emblem to an assortment of C64 titles made by bedroom programmers on their behalf. ‘Spirit of the Stones’ - the unlikely joint venture of author John Worsely, the Isle of Wight Tourist Board and Commodore - was one such example.

It’s a peculiar mix of real-world beach-combing exploration and on-screen action, a feat that to this day has failed dismally to find its footing, despite the advent of head-mounted virtual reality technology.

A year prior to the release of Commodore’s 1984 game of the same name, John’s book documented a folkloric tale of the scattering of 41 talisman around his own stomping ground, the Isle of Wight. The novel and the game are riddled with clues - written in a “secret runic alphabet” - to aid you in your treasure hunt to decipher the whereabouts of the gemstones, and the ultimate prize, a genuine diamond known as the Great White Eye.

You don’t have to make the trip to the island with a shovel to play along, but Diamond Time holidays would have been very grateful if you did, given that their commissioned foray into the fantasy realm was a cunning PR exercise intended to boost tourism.

Commodore Horizons, March 1986
The finished product was shipped to the tourist board who made a tidy profit of £3 a throw for any units they managed to shift. Not a bad deal at all for a budget title back in the eighties. That said, it’s unlikely Commodore’s experimental scavenge-em-up would have set the world ablaze given that when their Corby factory was shut down in 1986 owing to financial difficulties, they were left with a surplus mound of 10,000 copies.

David Pleasance - who was Commodore UK’s sales and marketing lead at the time - was lumbered with the unenviable duty of getting shut of them at the cost-cutting behest of the president of Commodore International, Thomas Rattigan.

David knew he had to move fast so was willing to let them go for a knock down rate. He offered them to the Isle of Wight Tourist Board for a £1 a unit, allowing them to make a margin of 20 or 30 pence on each sale.

Held up against their prior, far more generous cut, they refused to take the bait. Clearly not one to be bartered with when there’s a principle at stake, David threatened to dispose of the entirety of the remaining stock and absorb the losses himself. They called his ‘bluff’ and he unceremoniously went ahead and dug their graves… the games I mean, he’s not Tony Soprano!

Commodore hired a JCB, quarried a 40 foot wide hole and jettisoned the cassettes into it, all under the diligent auspices of a legal team to ensure the ‘write-off’ was recorded legitimately.

Well, no time to dawdle and yak folks; I’m off to register www.commodoregameover.com and Kick my own Starter, or whatever the phrase is!

Quiet please - gurus meditating

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Much like Bedrooms to Billions take 1, The Amiga Years is a tale without a teller. Anthony and Nicola Caulfield are again at the helm shaping the narrative, though you won't see or hear them in the documentary. Humbly in awe of the participating luminaries, they’re content to take a back seat and let them embrace the limelight they truly deserve.


I'm not entirely convinced this has to be an all or nothing approach, and personally feel a well structured voice-over from an impassioned guide can really bring to life, and add personality and flavour to a presentation. It bonds the connection between the audience and subject in a way that listening to one side of a phone call never could. It's why for me the tech insider interviews by Dan Wood and Ravi Abbott, and Kim Justice's piece on ‘The Rise and Fall of the Commodore Amiga’ have the edge over The Amiga Years.

In an age when nerds like me watch more media on YouTube than via TV or at the popcorn palace, the dichotomy this highlighted made me wonder, are our minds now more attuned to off-the-cuff online presentations produced at home by independent individuals?

Tell someone you're attempting to chart the meteoric rise of the visionary home micro that flipped the world upside down, point a production quality video camera in their direction, and ask them to reflect on it, and you'll get a certain type of response. There's a fair chance it will be politically correct, guarded and professional.

A solid yardstick for any Commodore or Atari focused documentary is its handling of Jack Tramiel’s influence. If it’s polite and respectful the chances are we've lost a swathe of footage to the cutting room floor. I wouldn’t imagine the merciless rottweiler would have died surrounded by too many close friends in 2012.

The casual hobbyist approach draws out an entirely disparate response from interviewees. There are no run-time restrictions and the vibe is more immediate. Often with minimal editing in evidence, the information gleaned is raw, more enlightening and heartfelt. In the absence of carefully placed way-points you're left to weave together your own narrative, draw your own conclusions.

You could argue that this primitive, though undiluted modus operandi is more appropriately tailored towards documenting a story emanating from the modest foundations of schoolboy's bedrooms.

Nonetheless, what the producers have accomplished by stitching together this million and one piece jigsaw into a coherent memoir to the Amiga's epic legacy is nothing short of breathtaking. The pre-whittled sum of footage shot to bring us to this juncture will be known. Perhaps the exact figure in hours, minutes and seconds is mentioned on the project's Kickstarter page. What I do know is it will be a number of dizzying proportions. One that mere mortals would gawp at in horror and whimper, “where the hell do I begin?”

The curtain raises on a seminal scene set way back in the annals of computer gaming history; the story of Ralph Baer's Pong, and how it came to be. For the next 20 minutes we're taken on a fairly arid, plodding journey across the precarious stepping stones leading up to the main event.

At this stage they nearly lost me; it wasn't what I bought my ticket stub to see. I was already familiar with the grainy archival footage and elucidation of its significance, and was expecting to waste no time in plunging head first into the promised - and long-teased - juicy Amiga meat. After all, didn’t we lay the groundwork in the first Bedrooms to Billions film?

Just when I thought I was out, they pulled me back in. Once the documentary hit its stride I certainly wasn't disappointed. The Caulfields - probably by way of a Jedi mind trick - have managed to rope in nearly all the key figures from the Amiga hall of fame, and to their credit, they're not shy in taking us behind the magic curtain.

RJ Mical’s energised, animated anecdotes alone are worth the price of admission! He must have told the Andy ‘doolally’ Warhol Amiga 1000 launch story hundreds of times over the years, yet recounting it again here he’s bursting with zeal and child-like elation as though it happened yesterday.

Fighting back the urge to lift this gesticulation completely out of context for the sake of wringing out a cheap gag is almost impossible… must resist the temptation… be strong… you can do it…
Along with pioneering software architect and engineer, Dale ‘trouble-maker’ Luck, RJ goes on to relay his CES launch event memories, the frenetic race to finish the exalted Boing Ball demo animation, dozing off in the booth through sheer exhaustion, and their colleagues’ reaction on discovering the sleeping beauties the following morning.

The passion he exudes is infectious; soon I was cracking up along with the GUI maestro, matching his insanity laugh for laugh. If you're Robert’s friend, partner or child you should consider yourself very lucky. He's one of a kind.

The one and only drawback of having RJ appear in a production of any kind is that he makes almost everyone else look like they’ve just been told they have five minutes left to live. Sometimes it’s as though we’re cutting back and forth between a funeral and a Mardi Gras!

Engineering virtuoso, Dave Needle, was an incy wincy bit more subdued, though no less ecstatic to be representing the quantum leap in computing he played such a substantial part in realising.

His eyes beam with tender reflection as he reminisces over the deliciously satisfying tale concerning the submission of fake schematics of the three custom chips to their unwelcome investor, Atari, to ensure Jack Tramiel couldn't ransack the Amiga technology, kicking the heroes responsible for its existence to the kerb. It was an inspired ruse, and a gem of a story told with delightfully mischievous glee.

A rare, bitter-sweet insight made all the more poignant in the knowledge that this would turn out to be the last interview the man who started his Commodore career working as a janitor would give before passing away in February this year. The film is quite rightly dedicated in loving memory to the legend who united us all.

The Amiga Years covers the formation of the dream team who gifted the world the first Amiga and its subsequent models. It studies the turbulent financial difficulties, hatching a deal with the devil to stay afloat, Mitchy; Jay Miner’s beloved cockapoo, the sublime games of course, the demo scene that pushed the hardware to the brink of believability, copy parties, piracy and what the machines meant to the graphicians, musicians, coders and gamers whose lives they touched. Plus a fair bit of playground ST-bashing, naturally.

Despite stopping short of mourning the untimely demise of Commodore, the hefty two and a half hour running time embodies a world wind tour de force of the Amiga's initial impact and the indelible silicon footprint it left in the sands of time.

"I look back on my contribution to the Amiga and in several ways the graphics, the bouncing ball, the multitasking, layer library, but also to a certain degree trying to instil in other developers and other users the magic that could be done if you're on a mission from God with the right family."

My love of the Amiga is bordering on unhealthy, but even I would draw the line a fair bit before Dale. Worms and cans spring to mind, can't imagine why.
The first mention of the model that held pride of place in the bedrooms of the average schoolboy gamer, the A500, is made an hour and twenty minutes into the film. That's not a sleight at the Caulfields in any way, it's an acknowledgement that the Amiga offered so much to so many, stubbornly refusing to be boxed off by any single label.

Nevertheless, it's the “computers for the masses, not the classes” idiomatic badge that resonated most potently with me, then and now. In the concluding phase of the piece, iconic figures from all nooks of the games industry name-drop classic game titles and wax lyrical on their momentous gravity, mashing my nostalgia buttons like Muhammad Ali going to work on a defenceless, exhausted speedbag.

The sum of The Amiga Years’ multifarious puzzle pieces equate to a thought-provoking, beautifully crafted and doting homage to the spirit of the computer, that thirty years on from its game-changing inception, a legion of ardent fans still hold aloft with dewy-eyed reverence.

“Only Amiga makes it possible”.

Amigos Plays Flood

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I'm still waiting on the Apollo 18 game.

Amigos Plays The Aquatic Games Starring James Pond

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James Pond picked the right games to compete in!

Amigos Plays Mouse Trap

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Amigos Plays Mouse Trap. It's not like the board game. Or the arcade game. Or, really, the 8 bit version.

Amigo Scour issue 3 out now!

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Leafing through as many vintage gaming magazines as I do, recurring patterns begin to emerge. One example is the readership boasts you see emblazoned in bold type, taking  pride of place at the uppermost edge of the front covers.

“The UK’s best selling Amiga magazine” some proclaim. Others ratchet up the hyperbole, swapping ‘world’ for the ‘UK’, or where purely entertainment oriented magazines are concerned you might instead see, “Britain’s best selling Amiga games magazine”.

Let me know if you've found an example of two different magazines making the same assertion in the same month. It must have happened at some point I'd imagine.

Magazines would switch back and forth between claims from one month to the next, and drop them altogether on other occasions, as their popularity fluctuated.

My favourite declarations of all are the ones that can’t be disproved because they’re subjective rather than factual; lines like “the ultimate games guide to the ultimate computer”, “the complete guide to the Amiga” and “Britain’s biggest and best Amiga games mag” spring to mind. If you spot one of these you can be certain no champagne corks would have popped that month.

While it may have looked like the editors were making it up as they went along, the statistics are actually independently collated and verified by the Audit Bureau of Circulations, mostly for sales and marketing purposes. Usually if you turn to the index page of any magazine governed by ABC regulations, you’ll find the circulation figures for the previous bi-annual period. I find it enlightening to compare and contrast these throughout Commodore’s rise and fall… but then I’m extremely sad and need to find another hobby.

Based on the figures made available to the public at the time, we know that it was always a close race between CU Amiga and Amiga Format where the multifaceted magazines were concerned, while Amiga Power would lead the charge on the games front.

Amiga Format issue 32 (March 1992)
Another recurring theme was the holy grail for the first portable Amiga, or more aptly coined ‘luggable’ given that the miniaturisation of computer technology was still in its infancy at that point.

Even if Commodore themselves weren't going to have a stab at it officially, plenty of third parties were happy to step into the breach, with or without legal consent. Initially at least that is; once they realised that Commodore weren’t going to award them carte blanche freedom to capitalise on their brand recognition and ask nothing in return, the projects were dropped like a hot potato, and it was back to the drawing board.

CU Amiga issue 26 (April 1992)

Some teams aimed to clone the Amiga motherboard technology from the ground up, while other less ambitious engineers would offer consumers a DIY kit used to re-house their existing machines in a portable case with a built-in display, thereby sidestepping any awkward licensing constraints.

Of all the designs proposed, only the Newer Technologies model advanced beyond the prototype phase, though even then it was beset with legal difficulties and thus shelved indefinitely.

Amiga Format issue 27 (October 1991)
Amiga Computing issue 94 (December 1995)

Amiga Format issue 19 (February 1991)
For as long as PC-exclusive software existed there had been a rallying call to arms to create an Amiga hardware or software compatibility layer to emulate the host platform and bridge the gap.

Partly this was to allow us to run MS Office and niche DOS applications without having to lower ourselves to investing in a boring beige box, but also to make the Amiga platform more attractive to IT purchasing departments and end users.

It must have come as a pleasant ego boost for the Amiga engineers to learn that exactly the same movement was afoot on the PC side of the equation, despite our diminutive install base.

If emulation wasn’t your cup of tea, alternatively you could have opted to buy a Commodore branded PC.

Instant, 100% IBM compatibility and none of the guilt!

Blasphemy I know, but CBM did go down this route. The systems that were generally dubbed as solid, yet unremarkable were introduced to the market in 1984 and phased out in 1993 in a bid to streamline the portfolio and assuage the group’s impending financial predicament.








Amiga Format issue 62 (August 1994)


Amiga Computing issue 64 (September 1993)

CU Amiga issue 16 (June 1991)
Philips were renowned for manufacturing the most intriguing and quirky TVs back then. They were no different in terms of technology, it was purely their aesthetic flair that stopped you in your tracks and made them desirable.

The producers of the ‘90s TV show billed as “Tomorrow’s World for kids”, Bad Influence, clearly were thinking along the same lines when they chose the ‘Your Way’ model to showcase new games and console or computer hardware.

The Discoverer sets often crop up on eBay for silly prices, though I’d hazard a guess that this has more to do with price gouging than a true reflection of their actual value. CRT TVs are mostly only of interest to retro gamers these days, and despite a resurgence in ‘keeping it real’ through embracing vintage appliances, your average (non-novelty) set is still difficult to give away, let alone sell.

Sadly, the ‘Your Way’ model is more elusive than the Loch Ness monster. I’ve had an eBay keyword notification set up for it for a year now without so much as a false negative ping.

CU Amiga 27 (May 1992)
Imagine that, McVities’, the company who sponsored the recent Amiga games, Robocod and Aquatic Games, had also signed up to play patron to the charts that would track their success or failure in the market. Can anyone spot the conflict of interests? We’d heard of advertising regulations back then. Didn’t really adhere to many of their inconvenient nannying tenets so much though.

CU Amiga 3 (May 1990)

Amiga Format 28 (November 1991)

Seeing as the billboard for John Menzies is the only advert for a genuine company I’ve managed to spot in Airmania, I don’t imagine the concept was a runaway success. You’d hope for the developer’s sake that no-one succeeded in completing the game - how many calls to that premium rate number would it have taken to cover the cost of a “trip around the world!”

Airmania is the only game for the Amiga to have been published under the Addware label. That says it all really.

I’ve covered the most conspicuous ‘ad games’ such as Zool, Robocod and Superfrog in great depth elsewhere, but there are many more lesser known examples I could cite, and will in fact, right below.

The Burton snowboarding brand is strategically placed throughout Ski Or Die, Ravanelli's Soccer is sponsored by Play Video, and the Grand National horse racing game is endorsed by the now defunct Seagram booze and soft drinks distillery.

Goal! Championship Cup Edition jumped into bed with Adidas, Turbo Cup has the face of Paris-Dakar Rally champion, René Metge, plastered all over it (and he in turn drives a 944 Turbo Porsche backed by Loriciels), and then there is Adidas Championship Tie-Break. The name of the sportswear brand that allied itself with this one escapes me.

Believe it or not there is even a German, point ‘n’ click adventure game developed on behalf of Philip Morris to pimp their Liggett & Myers cigarette brand.

Sunny Shine On The Funny Side of Life’ features scenery graphics and dialogue which pushes cancer sticks to kids, and yet was published by Rainbow Arts who purport to be a reputable company.

There are also three other games I know of that were commissioned by cigarette manufacturers, though thankfully they were only intended to be used for internal promotional events.

Of course today it wouldn't be a cause for concern because we know smoking is bad for you and no one does it any more.

Amiga Format issue 15 (October, 1990)
Holy Batpants, it’s Gamesmaster before it was infamous!

Who knew this flimsy, clutching-at-straws concept would go on to leave an atom bomb sized crater of an impression in the consciousness of 30-somethings all these years later? A show so edgy just watching it felt like breaking the law. Computer Chronicles it ain't!

Left: Amiga Format issue 26 (September, 1991) - Right: Amiga Format issue 28 (November, 1991)

I honestly haven't Photoshopped the page below in any way; it actually went to print with that place-holder header included. Oops! For some non-UK residents it's the only reason they've even heard of Amiga Format.

Spot the (not so) deliberate mistake!
A grovelling apology from the editor was issued in the reader's letters section the following month,
along with a handy 'cut and paste' banner to stick over the offending line.


What I adore about predicting the past is I’m always right! Join me again next time for more dubious, sagely soothsaying shenanigans. For my text trick I think I'll prognosticate the winner of the 1966 World Cup final. Place your bets now.
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